The Wrong Idea

I got home Friday night and we decided to camp out in the backyard. I’ve got this huge six-person tent that I got as a five-year gift from work that I’ve never used and have only set it up once to see what I looked like. I could have picked from a variety of things but I thought the tent would be the best way to go and would probably get more use than some of the other choices. Anyways, my son has been begging me to camp out in the backyard but it was the middle of summer when he was asking and so I told him we should wait until fall.

So we waited. Once it was cool enough outside it started raining every weekend and prevented us from doing so. This weekend could have been the last warm autumn weekend that would be perfect for all four of us to camp out. It started off with me raking some leaves in the backyard to make room for the tent. I raked up most of them and started using a leafblower to finish the more difficult parts (Willow Oak leaves suck!). The boys jumped around in the leaf pile for a while. Then we made a campfire and cooked hotdogs.

By now it was too dark to see anything outside and I had yet to put up the tent. I couldn’t just say “Sorry son, Daddy screwed up and waited too long to put up the tent. Maybe next time.” So I pulled my car into position to shine the headlights into the yard. I put up the tent with the highbeams blinding me most of the time. The lights were coming in from the side so that made it very interesting with the high contrast on the tent surface. Just trying to find the right sleeves and hooks to put the poles through was a challenge even with light. So after much frustration and light swearing under my breath, the tent was up and ready.

We got the inside of the tent ready and actually brought the portable DVD player outside (real campers, huh?) because it was still rather early. We watched a movie for a little while and then decided to go to bed. My three-year old son was so excited he was jumping all over the place. He jumped on top of me and I pushed him off playfully…

It was all downhill from there. On the way down my son went head first into my wife’s mouth. I heard a crunching sound and two people crying. I grabbed the flashlight and shined it on my wife and she had blood running down her chin. At first I thought her nose may have been broken. We frantically got inside where we discovered my wife’s lip had been bust open pretty badly. My wife was laying on the floor with a rag over her mouth and whimpering pathetically. She was as white as a sheet. I don’t know if it was the pain or the sight of the wound. I called my mom who came right over to watch the boys while I took my wife to the emergency room. While we were waiting for my mom I grabbed most of the stuff from outside so that the boys would have their pillows and blankets because the campout was a bust.

We arrived at the emergency room around 10 PM. We were actually arguing on the way there because my wife thought I pushed our son too hard and that is what caused the collision. She was very grumpy. So here’s the scene in the waiting room – tell me what you would think:

Man and woman sitting in waiting room of the hospital. They are apparently angry or annoyed at one another based off of the body language. The woman is sitting there with a busted lip and the man is just sitting there reading a book…

I know what I would have thought. They called my wife back and we started back and they said that I should stay in the waiting room. It didn’t dawn on me until after I sat down that they probably were going to make sure she wasn’t being abused. She later told me that they asked her those questions. She said she was abused…by her three-year old. One tetanus shot and five hours later we got home at 3 AM completely exhausted. At least she didn’t have to get stitches…

What To Write…

It’s been a while since I blogged anything remotely controversial. I’ve had many ideas for blog posts that would probably get some attention but when I ran them by my wife, she said she didn’t think they were a good idea. Previous posts such as “Seat Nazis” and “Deviant Bystander” were posts that she would chide me for writing. My friend Tim would make comments like “Oh boy…”, a mannerism of his that my wife says that I am now mimmicking. I’m influencing him as well because I’ve heard him call his wife “Woman” when calling her. That’s something I’ve done for a long time toward my wife. I of course mean nothing sexist or degrading by it, its just one of those things. She’ll calls me “Legs” whenever she needs me to reach something for her.

This post doesn’t really have a direction or point that I’m trying to make. I just felt like writing. I’m sitting here at someone else’s computer covering for them while they are on their lunch break. I quit writing posts at work (mostly) because I don’t want to get in trouble for wasting time at work.

So Obama got elected…still not sure what to think. Democrats are in control of the government (the Executive and Legislative Branches that is, maybe the Judicial). I got to vote for the first time in 2004 because I couldn’t get to the polls in 2000. I voted for Bush (yikes!) in 2004, but I didn’t vote this time. I really wasn’t sure about either candidates. They both had things I liked and disliked. The best part about the election has been the SNL skits. Will Ferrell playing as George W. Bush was definitely my favorite. The best line of the skit was Ferrell saying ”George W. Bush always gets his man, save for one huge exception.”

Fall softball is almost over and I’ve had an abysmal season so far. I did decent by my usual standards during the summer, but now some of my teammates are calling my batting average the “McEwen line” instead of the “Mendoza line” (baseball reference for those that are wondering). I’ve had one decent game batting and everything else has been crap. We won the Championship back in the summer, but we’re only 4-4 this fall. Of course we’re missing four key guys from the summer. Three of those four have subbed a couple of games, but that’s it.

Well, that’s it for now…just one of my classic rabbit trails.

Give That Kid a Rimshot

Saturday night we went over to our friends, the Hoppers. My wife and Jess went out for coffee while Hugh and I stayed at the house and watched the kids. We played a couple of games of chess and just hung out. We were watching the Red Sox/Rays game in his room. My 9-year old was laying on the bed watching the game while we were playing chess. I was totally distracted by the baseball game that I wasn’t really focusing on the chess game at hand and so I didn’t really play well. The Red Sox were up to bat and the Rays had just put in a relief pitcher named Grant Balfour. The pitcher walked the batter and then my son said the wittiest thing I’ve ever heard him say:

“Of course he walked the guy, his name is ‘Ball-four’.”

We died laughing and I praised him for his wit. I was very proud. I still chuckle every time I think about it.

Carpal Tunnel Vision

Argggghhh!!! I can’t believe this! I’ve been having issues with my hands for a couple of months now. Half the time they are numb or tingling like they were asleep. They even ache sometimes after doing an activity with my hands like working on the computer for a while or cutting the grass. There was about a week span where the pain would wake me up at night. I started taking Tylenol PM to stay asleep through the pain. It hasn’t really kept me awake since that week. I went to the doctor last week and he says I probably have carpal tunnel syndrome. So he told me to get some splints and wear them. He wanted me to wear them all the time or at least one all the time and keep switching hands. I have to wear them for a month and then go for a check up to see if my condition has improved. These stupid splints are keeping me up at night. They are so uncomfortable and I can’t get used to sleeping with them on. I’ll go to bed with them on and then they wake me up around 2 AM and off they come. My hands actually hurt worse today after wearing those things last night. I have been working on a piece of my lab equipment at work the past two days and that has taken a toll on my hands and that is probably why they are so sore today.

No Pity for the Children

I know that sounds pretty harsh, but hey, when it comes to Laser Tag its every man for himself. We had my son’s birthday party at Laser Quest here in Charlotte. I haven’t been there since I was in middle school. I didn’t think I was going to have as much fun as I did. It was like playing live Halo (sort of). We had a blast. After the first round I came out soaking with sweat. It was quite a workout. You’re not supposed to run, but you move around quickly up and down ramps. Its pretty intense if you want to actually do well or win. Some people just kind of wander through the maze hoping to find someone to shoot. Others blaze through it trying to find as many people as they can, shooting anything that moves. I went in with a strategy.

I found the high ground and then picked people off one by one. Another adult from our party, Kenny, also found the high ground I sought. We ended up shooting each other a few times up there, but once we got that out of our system we watched each others’ backs (for the most part). I think we still may have shot each other because I’d walk down the ramp from the top a little bit and then come back up and we’d start shooting not really knowing who we were shooting at. Once we figured it out, we’d stop firing at one another. We weren’t supposed to team up but it would be silly for us to stand there shooting each other over and over.

Your gun tells you your current rank in the game. I was ranked first for most of the first round until the end when Omega, my arch-nemesis, took up residence beside Kenny and I and gave us a few shots as he used our strategy alongside us. It was so much fun. Omega did not return for the second round. So I did not get to exact revenge on the larger gentleman with the bright white shirt under the black lights.

Round 2 was much more satisfying. Not only did I rank number one, but I set the high score for all the matches that day. It was still the high score when we left later after presents and cupcakes. I came out of that round more drenched than before. Our party roomed smelled horrible with all those sweaty people! Just for the record, my wife shot me four times in the back during the second round when she was supposed to be watching the ramp coming up to the higher levels. She would peek around the corner as I was sniping and shoot me right in my rear sensor.

 

I Got A New Door

That’s right! My landlord and I were installing a new back door on our house until about 9:30 last night. Why were we hanging a new door you ask? Well the people that attempted to break into our house yesterday completely bent in the bottom half of the door.

That’s right, the low-life scum returned for round two yesterday afternoon while I was at work and my wife was out running errands. Fortunately for us we learned from our previous losses and invested in a security system. When they kicked in the bottom of the door it didn’t set off the sensor near the top. You can see where they attempted to pry it open with a crowbar. But once the sensor seperated at the top, the alarm went off and it appears they took off. In their escape they spun their tires in the gravel driveway and left a little ditch where they were parked. So we know they were driving and didn’t run off into the woods.

We are pretty sure the alarm is what kept them from finishing the job. When we had the system installed the guy said to save money we could just put up some stickers and signs in the yard and that would probably deter most thiefs. I’m glad we didn’t take that advice. The guy meant well. I guess he figured it would be a lot of money for us and he wasn’t sure if it was necessary. Well…it was!! The cops said they caught someone not long before we called. They said there had been about 8 to 10 break-ins already that day and that they broke into someone’s house while they were home and got caught. I sure hope it is the same guys. I still won’t sleep well even if it is. Thankfully for us no one was home at the time.

A guy from my small group at church let me borrow Tiger Woods 2007 for the Wii and it was stolen during the break-in back in April. He wasn’t concerned about us replacing it for him. He said it was a perfect excuse to buy Tiger Woods 2008. This past Sunday we were going through his old CDs and I asked if I could borrow Weezer’s self-titled CD and Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream. I jokingly said “Hopefully no one will break in and steal these” and we both kind of laughed. Sheesh…

Stupid Geese

Some friends of mine were on their way to church yesterday on I-485. They were riding their motorcycle when some geese got in the road in front of the car in front of them. From what I’ve heard the story goes something like this: The car in front slammed on the brakes, then Ben slowed down on the bike and then the person behind him didn’t slow down in time and hit the back of his bike. There were three cars and their motorcycle involved.

The last update I was given was today around 10 AM. Ben has a severely bruised hip and a broken wrist. Candice’s situation is worse than I was originally told. She has a broken foot, a broken leg and her pelvic bone is broken. She will be having surgery. Please pray for my friends as this is something that will affect their lives for a while.

Here’s the news video on the accident – http://www.wsoctv.com/news/16869198/detail.html

Recipe for Disaster

As we were leaving the mall yesterday afternoon, this license plate caught my eye. Then when I saw the ballet sticker on the side I couldn’t help but record it for posterity.

The Red Queen Effect

“It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.”

- The Red Queen from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass

 

“For an evolutionary system, continuing development is needed just in order to maintain its fitness relative to the systems it is co-evolving with.”

            - Leigh Van Valen on the Red Queen Principle

 

I’ve noticed an interesting trend in the softball league I’m involved with. This is the fifth year I’ve been playing and I’ve noticed something that takes away from the fun of the game for us peons that like to play. There has been a sort of “arms race” within the higher ranked teams. These teams have gone out and put together really good teams that will very likely dominate the season. I haven’t seen many new people in the league that haven’t played softball before.

I have to admit that my team is pretty solid this season thanks to the addition of a few new players. But these players weren’t sought after because they played college baseball or play softball religiously. They were put on our team because they are friends of current teammates. The Tigers have accumulated quite a roster over the past two years. We had several new people that wanted to play which gave us enough players for two squads, thus the birth of the Expos.

There is a certain team in our league, maybe more, that really doesn’t follow suit with the rest of the league as far as growing the league up. They are consolidating by taking better players from other teams. Now whether or not these players approached the team or vice versa, it still makes it hard for the lesser teams to have fun when they are getting drubbed by a team that can hit homeruns up and down the line-up. It’s like having an All-Star team in the league.

Of course this is happening because new players keep getting introduced into the league that are really good. So to keep up with them, they have to amass a superior team. This makes the league really competitive and might keep certain teams from coming back the next year.

I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing and have a team that was stacked, but my coach isn’t about that and so I go by that example.

 

Drifting

I’m writing this blog entry from the great state of Alabama. I’m in Birmingham for three days taking a course at my company’s headquarters down here. I’m trying to stay awake late in the day and so I thought I might write to help fight the urge to doze. But I started this blog with a pen and a notepad, that way it looks like I’m taking notes.

Amanda and I drove down Sunday afternoon. It was a long drive. A long, boring drive. I-85 to Atlanta and then I-20 to Birmingham. Not much in the way of twists and turns. We were both pretty tired from lack of sleep the previous night. I drove most of the way. To stay awake we listened to her workout music which consisted of the Black-Eyed Peas and Quad City DJs. That was interesting enough to keep me alert.

As I sit here writing and listening to the speaker and watching people fight the force of gravity on the heads and eyelids, I’m thinking of my nice comfy bed back at the Hilton Garden Inn. I can hear it calling me. The sandman is harassing me right this minute. I’ve had three Cokes today, but all that has done has made me frequent the facilities. About the only way to stay awake is to snack. When I first started working here I had to go to a week long class and I snacked all day to fight sleep. I gained five pound that week.

There’s some random buzzing noise coming from an unknown source in this room. Normally what would be an annoying sound has become a sweet lullaby. The previous speaker turned off the lights for a video. That was a risky move considering the topic was not very spectacular, the speaker was not very charismatic and it was not long after lunch this was taking place. Since I’ve started writing this I’ve had to tap my neighbor twice just to make sure she didn’t nod off and out of her chair.

I feel bad for the current speaker because he’s the last one of the day and it’s very obvious that everyone has entered the zone. They are all nodding, but not because they are agreeing with the speaker. It wouldn’t look as bad when they did it if they didn’t abruptly stop in mid-nod.

Head slowly nods…slowly…slowly

AWAKE!!! Now aware of nodding…

Nodding slowly…slowly…slowly…

AWAKE!!! Opening eyes as wide as they can…

Stretch…shift position…try to pay attention…but still drifting…